“I am extremely proud of the end result (the book) but deeply ashamed of my new drug habit. My name is Bob and I am a meth addict…but hey look what I can do on drugs! All proceeds from the book will go towards rehab.”
I made this statement in the book description. It was intended as a joke. Enough people have inquired about my sobriety status through emails and in-person that I have to explain it was a joke. However, it was a joke that would seem to be a lie if you haven’t seen me in twelve weeks. I have lost 21.5 pounds in that time.
I entered into a weight lost contest at work because I had reached my heaviest weight, 156 pounds at 5′ 8″, spending so much time in front of the computer creating Departure over the last year. There was a cash prize of approx $800 but this was not my motivation. I just wanted to shed a few pounds so I set a target goal of 145 pounds. This is a comfortable weight for me. During the contest I found it easy to shed weight by counting calories and riding the stationary bike at home. I don’t go to a gym because I prefer not to be surrounded by the people who tossed me in garbage cans in high school…those cheerleaders are a lot stronger than they look!
During the middle weeks the other contestants questioned why I was in the contest and claimed that I couldn’t win because I didn’t have much to lose. I then became motivated by spite and malice and set a new goal.
I remained in the top three during the weekly weigh-ins. In the second to last week I was close to hitting a wall. The other contestants were motivated by all my smack talk and man did I talk. They continued to lose weight at a steady and rapid pace because…they were big boned folks. They had plenty more to lose and I would soon be hitting the wall. So right before the eleventh weigh-in, I drank six bottles of water and played the disappointed and fatigued contestant. The added six pounds of water weight was eliminated by noon. I did it to slow the pace and appear to be out of the contest.
Today I weighed in for the last time at 134.5 pounds from 156 pounds. I lost a total of 13.8% of my body weight in twelve weeks. I have not weighed 135 pounds since I was eighteen. So if you have not seen me in twelve weeks then you would probably believe I am a meth addict without this explanation and my joke would appear to be the truth.
Spite and malice are great motivators.
I am not a meth addict but I am now built like one.
I won the contest…by a large margin.